Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
We left the knife in your bed.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
