Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She bit a glass in half.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
