apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
My bed smells like the plague
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
