Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
