I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
