he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
