News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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