she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
