im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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