i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
