Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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