Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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