Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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