Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize