I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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