Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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