dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize