Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
