I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize