I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
