I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
