Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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