You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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