Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i love accidental penises.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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