This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
