i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
