I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize