Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
