mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
