I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
