im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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