idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
