BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize