you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
you never un-have a 4some
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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