I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
