the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
