im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
