i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
