So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
