someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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