I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
This toilet bowl is my home.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
