Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
