I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
