I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
