All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize