i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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