i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
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