...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
