...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
