I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
