i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
