why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
