best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He? As in you personified your dick?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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