Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
