i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
