were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
