if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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