My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i just had sex bonerless
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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