He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize