So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
