I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
