Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
