3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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