FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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