If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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