C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
