After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
