every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
