He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
