i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Why are your pants in the freezer?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize