There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Please don't give away my fajitas
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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