Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
