Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
