dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
