Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
