took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Girls should come with a carfax report
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
