I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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