Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
My dick has a subreddit
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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