Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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