Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
