We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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