Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
