The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Terrible idea I love it
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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