he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
