I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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