hotel room ftw
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
