I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
