its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize