haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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