Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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