Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
