Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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