She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
