Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
