who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
