one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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